What do you do when someone asks you,  “Do you have 30 seconds, I just want to share something with you?” Do you say yes, and then keep doing what you are doing, no matter whether you are in the same room or on the internet? Do you keep on  shuffling papers, working on the computer, putting out the garbage? Your focus half on your friend/colleague/partner and half on other things you are currently doing.  I know, you are busy.

Then you hear a little of their story so you jump in wanting to help, to problem solve, to tell them what to do? This urge to help, to fix, to problem solve for someone else is so primed in some of us you just can’t help yourself. Other people are primed to flee, but that is a story for another time.

Did you know fixing someone else’s problems is a regular source of irritation between partners and friends.  And of course, so is talking to some-one while they are doing something else and they do not take 30 seconds to stop what they are doing, breathe and be with you.

Sometimes is all you need is to be heard, seen and acknowledged for what it is you are going through. You do not want answers or solutions.

So what can you do?

Well if you need to pour your heart to someone and want listening not solutions, let them know.

“Hi, do you have 30 seconds? I have something to get off my chest. I want to be listened to and I do not need solutions. Ok? And also can you stop what you are doing, look at me and be with me!”

And if someone comes to you with a problem and you are the listener, you can ask, “Do you want me to add in some advice, help you problem solve or just listen?”

If you have subscribed and downloaded the “Noticing Your Energy” eJournal, you may be able to pick up how your friend’s energy changes when you start to problem solve and that is not what they want. It is a subtle cue that you are not in the same energy sphere, connecting or communicating. Rather it is jarring between you. You may also pick up how your energy changes when you are present and connected, really listening versus when you are distracted or when you take yourself into problem solving and the other person does not want you to problem solve.

It is simple really.

Notice what happens when you take 30 seconds to listen to some-one. That 30 seconds could be the most precious gift you have ever given some-one.

What about you? Have you taken 30 seconds to listen to yourself? If you want to access your Intuitive Body Wisdom listening in and listening out are both critical skills.

Want more? Here is a game for you to deepen your listening and enhance your relationships.

Want to play the 30 Second game?

When your partner comes home from work does one of you want to go blah blah blah and get everything out throughout the day, while the other just wants to go out in the garden and have silence for awhile? Then either or both of you get irritated because neither of you get what you want.

Well make sure if you need quiet time you get that and when it is talking time how about playing this game. This may be a way that works for both of you and is fun at the same time.

What you need for the game

A stop watch

Set it for 30 seconds

2 people

One listens for 30 seconds

One talks for 30 seconds

Then you switch

Do this for 3 rounds. You each talk/babble for 30 seconds on any topic of your choice, with no interruptions. You each get to listen for 30 seconds to your partner for 3 rounds, totally listening no questions.

-       30 seconds listening - person 1

-       30 seconds talking - person 2

-       30 seconds listening – person 1

-       30 seconds talking – person 2

-       30 seconds listening – person 1

-       30 seconds talking – person 2


Ready to start

Explain the guidelines to your friend

Put your timer on 30 seconds


30 seconds stop

Switch roles. If you talked first you are now the listener.

Set your 30 seconds



Switch roles and do it again.

For 3 rounds

Now you can de-brief.

What was that like?

To have 30 seconds to talk about anything you wanted with no-one interrupting without anyone asking questons?

What was it like to stop talking and to listen for 30 seconds?

Love to hear what you found out?

Love Deb


P.S. Do you have a need to be listened to? Join me for a live webinar. "Are you currently facing a life changing event? Send in your questions and be chosen for live coaching where YOU will be listened to. Register here.