Science researches black holes in the multi-verse. At times, I guide people to discover black holes in their being and to sense the unseen black holes in our environment, effecting our lives.
“All the ponies in the world will not fill up the black hole inside me that feels like abandonment”.
This is what a participant said in a workshop I co-designed and hosted, “Access Your Inner Wisdom with Horses and Nature”.
Replace “ponies” with money, or clothes, or the top career, or working hard, toys or sweets or whatever you are addicted to that you think fills up your black hole inside.
I do not know too many people who have not at some stage of their life had an event happen to them where they were left with a negative memory and often a false belief about themselves and others. Often in the first event we do not have the opportunity to express all the feelings that well up inside of us and we repress our emotions at the time. The consequence of this is a build up of emotion that gets triggered in new events that have nothing to do with the first event. If the emotion is stuck within the body it blocks peace and happiness. A hidden belief that we made up about ourselves at the time, drives our behaviour unconsciously towards the opposite of what we want to do and say. We wonder why we sabotage ourselves.
If we do not release the energy and surface the limiting belief we created at the initial event, it keeps us stuck in the past.
This usually falls into a place that is outside our awareness even though our actions reflect the meaning we made of the event.
Horses who are prey animals, find it difficult to be content and relaxed with any person, who is holding “fear” inside them, even though on the outside the person may appear to be relaxed. Horses mirror our unconscious feelings, which then bring them into our awareness so we can shine a light on them and consciously choose ways to be that serve us rather than sabotage us.
When we allow ourselves to feel the void that is within we realise that those external things we desire, will never nourish the yearning for whatever “our thorn” needs.
In a field of buttercups, bird’s song, horses grazing, clouds wafting overhead in the blue sky participants dived into their black holes, felt their thorns, and allowed the thorns to be removed and dissolved with love, empathy and understanding for oneself. The empty space that was left was then filled with love from within and from nature.
One participant said, “ I can feel a sense of love and peace inside me. I can also feel the love in everything that is here, the horse, the land, the trees, the cats and dogs, the new shoots growing on the trees and the old dead leaves. Love, contentment and peace is here. My body is filling up. I am overflowing. I have not felt so good in a long time. “
She went on, “I came here sad, confused and angry. Now I am journaling about my life and what I can do differently and it is flowing from within me. I am drawing creatively and I have never drawn anything in my life. I feel content that my husband is doing what he needs to do to make himself happy and I am finding what makes me happy from within.”
How did this happen? In this workshop participants were invited to take time to walk around the paddocks, smell the flowers, taste the lemons on the trees, look at whatever drew their attention with both focused eyes and at times with soft eyes allowing a wider view.
They were invited to notice without judgement whatever body sensations, feelings and thoughts arose in each moment. They were invited to be with their uncomfortable moments, triggered past events that were hurtful. Before becoming aware that our irritation, or anger is a memory being triggered we often “blame” those around us for something happening now that is really from a past event. Without being aware of what is being triggered we have a tendency to look in places for solutions that will never be the solution for the peace and freedom that we seek.
For example, when Gypsy, the horse walked away from Tom, he said, “I feel like I have been abandoned.” I invited Tom to become aware of where that feeling was in his body and to explore his senses and allow the feeling to pass through his body.
I then said, “Are you really being abandoned?”
He said, “No, my wife goes away all the time and I had the same feeling of being abandoned by my wife when the horse walked away. I have never allowed myself to be with that feeling. My usual reaction is to become stressed, anxious and then get angry at her for being away so much.”
In music, this is called 'sympathetic resonance' when a passive string responds to an external vibration with a harmonic likeness. This can be both an uplifting experience and a great opportunity to create energetic boundaries and release tension.
In this situation with Tom and Gypsy, the horse, a core issue of abandonment that was triggered by his wife going away to work comes to the surface. When open to seeing and sensing the issue viscerally, this is an opportunity to heal that ‘wound” or trauma what was never expressed in the past. The energy was allowed to run freely through the body and be released.
I asked Tom to become aware of his body now. “What are you feeling now?”
He said, “I feel quite relaxed and at peace now. I feel quite happy watching the horse graze contentedly. It is a beautiful day and I am feeling the beauty in all that is around me.”
A participant said, "I came here feeling sad, anxious and angry. By mid afternoon on the first day I had found the empty black box inside me that felt like I was abandoned. I can now feel love and connection with my wife even when she is away. I can feel love and connection with my father. I also know I can give up feeling guilty as I can learn to love myself."
Where do you feel and sense a "sympathetic resonance" with an external vibration? When is it positive? When is it an eye opener?