Part 2 There are many questions on this list. Some of them quite provocative.
Why? Many people are confused about what is loving and what is not. It took me a long time to work out what is loving behaviour for both me and my partner and I made many mistakes along the way. I thought I needed to tolerate behaviour that was not loving to be loving. I know that was wrong and very hurtful to me. I know how to create loving, respectful boundaries and I help others do this for relationships now that are a new kind of partnership for a new era of conscious relationships.
If you are overwhelmed by the questions. Don't worry there are many other blogs that cover one area at a time.
You will either run down the list and say no, no, no, and yes, yes, yes quickly as you have a trusting, open, loving relationship or you don't.
When you answer a question that reveals that you do not have the openness and honesty that you need this is a key to having an area to explore with your partner.
When you gradually explore those areas safely, your actions will either deepen the level of trust and intimacy in your relationship or they won't.
If taking action to deepen your trust reveals more and more dis-respect, blocks and challenges you may very well need to seek out professional Mentoring to assist you in creating a relationship that respects both you and your partner.
Questions to consider if your relationship is a life affirming relationship for both of you.
- Do you feel good?
- Do you feel respected?
- Do you resolve differences amicably?
- Do you feel you have the freedom to speak and to do the things that are important to you?
- Can you express emotion freely?
- Can you be vulnerable and you will not be attacked?
- Do you feel trust?
- Does your partner share with you what he or she wants to do with their life?
- Does your partner share information openly about their personal and work challenges?
- Do you have a win /win reciprocal relationship?
- If you raise an issue is it ignored?
- Do you feel controlled?
- Do you or your partner make choices about things that affect the both of you on your own?
- Do you compromise your values to stay in the relationship?
- Do you minimise negative feelings within your self or about your partner and talk yourself into feeling good about the relationship?
- Do you feel the need to protect yourself or other family members from getting hurt? Physically? Emotionally? Psychologically? Financially?
- Do you have low commitment to the things your partner wants you to do so you have low energy to do those things?
- Has the relationship stayed stuck on issues for a long period of time?
- Do you feel limited by your partner about the things that you can do and you can not do?
- If you agree to something and then change your mind are you penalised and have to stick to the original agreement?
- If you raise a problem in the relationship does your partner react defensively?
- When you raise a problem does your partner turn the issue around so now it is your fault and you are blamed?
- When you are emotionally hurt in the relationship and you speak up are you then blamed for bringing the issue up, made to feel wrong and it is all your problem?
- Does your partner make you feel crazy and you doubt your ability to do the things that you once could and you have become insecure?
- Are you left out of making choices about your domestic arrangements?
- Is your partner willing to share finances or property?
- Does your partner lie or cover up the truth?
- Do you feel fearful?
- Are you intimidated regularly, you can not speak up and you have become invisible?
- Do you feel you do all the compromising and giving in the relationship?
Did you answer no to 5 or more of questions to 1 to 10?
Did you say yes to 10 or more questions from 11 to 20.
Contact me for a Catalyst session to understand how Mentoring can help create a healthy loving relationship. Apply here.