Part 1: Check back for more in the series. This could be an intimate partner, a work relationship or a friendship.
Have you ever looked back at the end of a relationship and said, "I knew it wasn’t going to work out in the first 3 months”.
What weren’t you listening to in the first 3 months, that you “knew” but you chose to override? Perhaps you pretended you were not feeling something and sensing a message that you did not want to hear and feel.
Let’s start with the question...
How do I know if a relationship is right for me?
Imagine the first 3 months of a relationship. Bring back all the memories as if you were there seeing it, feeling it, hearing, smelling, tasting, sensing everything as if you are re-playing a scene right now.
You are currently with this person, talking to them, you can see what clothes you are wearing, what they are wearing, what room you are in, the colours of the room. You can smell the scent of your bodies, you can hear your voices and what you were saying. You can feel and sense your physical body and your emotions.
What is your body feeling and sensing?
Does it still feel that way?
Did you trust your body? Or did you pretend a feeling was not there, like anxiety? Did you pretend a feeling was present, like ease or contentment? How did you override your body’s feelings with your thoughts?
I was with a client who was considering going back into a relationship with her previous partner.
I asked her how she FELT at the beginning of the relationship.
Jane, (name changed) ‘Well, I felt anxious, I did not feel I could really say what I wanted to say. I felt tense. I remember feeling weak, yes, weak in my arms, almost powerless.”
Deb, “Do you think that is how you would feel in a loving, healthy, supportive relationship?”
Jane, “I suppose not.”
Deb, “But you kept on in the relationship.”
Jane, “Yes, I thought he would get over his depression and he would communicate better the longer we were together.’
Deb, “Did the anxiety, tension, communication and weakness dis-appear the longer the relationship went one?
Jane, “No, it increased. We broke up so that he could sort himself out, see counsellors etc.”
Deb, “Has he?”
Deb, “So what do you believe about yourself that you would want to be in a relationship with some-one who does not communicate with you, who is depressed and who needs your support but can not give love to you.”
Jane, “Well, I have great financial security and always will, so I guess I believe I can not have it all. “It all” meaning have financial security and a great relationship. I feel like I have to be there to help some-one else.”
Deb, “So how does your body FEEL right now when you imagine being back in a relationship with your ex-partner?”
Jane, “I feel tension in my neck and shoulders and I feel sick in my gut.”
Deb, “What are you THINKING about going back into the relationship.”
Jane, “ Well, if he has seen a counsellor, if he promises he will open up to me.”
Deb, “So you have conditions.”
Jane, “I guess I do.”
Deb, “You can not accept him exactly the way he is and exactly the way he isn’t, you want him to change and you THINK you can change him. On the other hand your body FEELS sick and tense about getting back with him.”
Jane chose not to go back into that relationship.
Since we have been small children we have been taught to over ride our feelings and not to trust our deep body instincts and messages from our spirit. These messages arise through our body, emotions, images and connection with nature and others. Many of us are dis-connected from this valuable source of knowledge that is older than words.
Our prevailing society has focussed and trained us to know how to be rational, and separate our thinking from our emotional and spiritual knowing. Reliance on one part of our human essence, our thoughts alone has had consequences that have alienated us from our selves, nature and others.
It is time now to re-learn, to re-connect and deepen our whole body, mind, soul knowing for our well being and the well being of the world.
One critical step is to get in touch with our physical sensory body.
This is one great myth we live by that our feelings are not important and we "should" dismiss them and control them.
Every feeling has a purpose and a message.
Practise daily to connect to your physical sensory body, track the sensory information that your body is telling you. Be curious about the messages from your body.
Once you start to notice you will notice more and more. You will feel connected to yourself. You will feel and sense what is “right for you” what is for your highest good and what isn’t. You will re-connect with what makes your body sing.
Would you like to be able to have your body sing?
Are you dis-satisfied with your relationship or lack of and want to either turn it around, leave or get it right next time? I can guide you to understand what you are doing or not doing that is causing relationship problems. I guarantee you will be amazed at how by applying a new field of work in Body and Emotional Intelligence, which I call Intuitive Body Wisdom, you can find the source of love within yourself that helps you to know the difference between what is loving and what is not and how to create the loving relationships you want in your life. As a bonus you will be more connected to your life's purpose as well!
I’ll help you find the false beliefs and strategies you are doing that are resulting in unintended outcomes of struggle in your relationships, (including the odd “blind spot” that’s probably completely invisible to you) and then map out a plan of how you can TRANSFORM the relationship with yourself and others that will make you irresistible. Yes, people will love your energy, you will be surprised at how people will want to be with you and love and kindness will flow into your life, daily.
We’ll map all of this out – FOR FREE.
But there IS a catch.
This is only available to folks who are passionate about their life and determined to find out what they are doing is limiting their success and what to change to create success, no matter what.
Yes – you must have a burning desire to want to get it right for you, NOW. If you’re looking to postpone getting to understand the way you are limiting your success this won’t be a fit.
So there you have it.
If you’d like me to find the hidden blocks in the way you are creating YOUR relationships while exploring how you can create the life of your dreams right now then apply for your complimentary Discovery Session now.
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