There are many people who suffer from being angry as they have either tolerated an injustice or they did not have the skills to defend themselves and create boundaries of respect at some time in their life.
When we have anger that is seething away underneath the surface, or bubbling up at unexpected times, it sabotages the very thing we want - peace, happiness and respect.
Can you imagine what it would be like if you were to know your anger?
To know your anger, would be to understand why anger surfaces. It is usually to protect or defend something that is not respectful or ethical.
If we respond to our anger with actions to protect ourselves, our anger usually dissipates, when respect is restored.
When one of my sons, was travelling through South America as a 20 year old he had an experience where he learnt the value of life and how to respond to anger in moments, being resilient to act from a grounded state of being, not a volatile one.
At about 4.00am one morning, he and a friend were walking to their backpackers in a very large city. They were confronted by a person who held a knife towards them, and said, "Give me your money, or I will knife you."
David's friend, reacted:
He rose to defend the injustice, his body tensed in an aggressive stance and he was ready to fight. His attacker had the knife. He had his hands. It was not looking good.
David, on the other hand, was astute, resilient and skilful. He realised in a moment this situation could turn very bad. He put his hands in his pockets and said, "Look, I only have this dollar, look my pockets are empty, we have no money, take this and please leave us alone."
The attacker looked at David, he picked up the dollar, he spoke to David as he ran away, "I am sorry, I did not want to hurt you. I am hungry, I need food and I need money. I am sorry."
David's skill at protecting himself, his friend and the attacker was very sophisticated for a 20 year old.
Two different responses to the same situation. One could have ended in death for one dollar. The other restored their lives.
You too can be that skilful.
But, what happens if respect is not restored?
We may have been taught to suppress our anger and become "good", "polite" and tolerate behaviour that is not OK.
We may have frozen when we were violated, or someone else was being violated and have suppressed anger.
We may have blown up in anger and made the situation worse.
We may now be angry with ourselves, as we suppress the sadness under our anger at not being able to protect ourselves.
Respect may have never been restored.
What do we do when we have latent anger that is either hidden and appears as meanness, even cruelty or bubbles up at totally irrelevant times?
I was angry at different times in my life. As an adult, the repressed anger from my childhood seeped out in unexpected places that reminded me of my earlier situation.
When my ex-partner violated me emotionally, psychologically and financially and I voiced my opinion about what was dis-respectful, I was intimidated and silenced. The more oppressed I was, the more anger surfaced. It was speaking to me, saying, "NO, this is not healthy for you." My anger was telling me, what was happening was unjust. My anger was telling me, I was being oppressed.
I listened to my anger and realised that I would always be angry whilst living in a situation where I was being oppressed. The loving action that I took for myself was to move away from my oppressor.
I searched for many ways to learn to know and understand anger when it arises.
I learnt to exform anger safely. Yes, "exform"anger. Give the energy of anger expression so that the energy is released and I can return to peace.
I learnt to speak up and take protective action when I see an injustice.
I learnt to be resilient and know when anger surfaces, it is reminding me that I may be allowing myself to be dis-respected. I listen and take action.
You can have the skills to look back calmly and respond with your personal power, and create loving, boundaries of respect, when faced with injustice.
I no longer have the residue of anger from past situations. I know what is respect. I know what is dis-respect. I know what is love. I know what is not love.
I still do become angry, when I see injustice in the world, but I do not rage. I listen and take actions that give expression to righting the injustice.
When the 2 girls that I have supported for 4 years in Uganda are beaten and robbed, my anger is moved into supporting and advising these girls how to look out for one another, how to create more safety for each other, how to be more protective in the face of adversity.
There are many ways that I have learnt to "exform" my anger and use the anger that surfaces to take action to right injustice for myself or for others.
I am so excited, that you too can develop these skills. I took years to learn many different ways for myself and to guide the people I coach. Now you have access to this information in an affordable way that will enable you to learn new skills to give yourself the freedom, respect and peace that you need to create your life well.
I am so pleased to have now summarised them all for you in a 41 page, 8,800 word, eBook and 2 BONUS x 1 hour Mp3's.
You can purchase the Ebook here and download your Bonus Mp3's.
Whilst David, had skills that saved his life, we can all keep deepening our skills. Could you imagine having the skills that can result in this kind of protective and compassionate response to an act of injustice?
I was told a story of a elderly man who was held up with a knife and asked for his wallet. He looked at his attacker, and said, "Here, have my wallet but will you do one thing for me? I was going for a meal. Will you join me and eat with me?"
The attacker nodded. They walked into a local restaurant and ordered food. The elderly man talked and then he listened, and listened. At the end of the meal, when the waitress left the bill, the elderly man said, "Well I would pay for your meal, only you have my wallet." The young man, gave the elderly man back his wallet. The elderly man paid for the meal and then said to the young man, "As you are homeless and sleep on the streets, if I give you my coat to keep you warm, will you give me something?
The elderly man said, "Here take my coat to keep you warm, and will you please give me your knife?"
The young man, exchanged the knife for the coat and for being listened to and affirmed as a human being.
I hope you are never attacked with a knife, but today more than ever many of us are attacked emotionally, psychologically and financially. Learn the skills to create safe boundaries for yourself so you can live your life with freedom and respect that we all deserve.
If you do not have anger to release, but know some-one who would benefit, please forward this to them. They will thank you forever, when they find their way to peace, respect and freedom.
Love, peace and resilience to you Deb