Did you know there is more stress, divorces, conflict and loneliness over Xmas than at any other time in the year?
Is this you?
“I just broke up with my boyfriend. I don’t want to go to the same events as him so I have no-where to go.”
“I have just moved town for a job and I don’t know anyone?”
“ “x” has happened and I can not stop crying. I don’t feel like being happy for Xmas events.”
No matter what your situation, if you are breaking up, you are stressed, moving or in conflict, stress and emotions will be bubbling around in your body. Honor, accept and express your emotions safely.
First things first
Get out of your head and into your body.
How do I do that?
- Breathe, walk, move, look down, scan your body, feel and sense the physical nature of your body.
- Take some time out to be on your own in a safe, nurturing space.
- Allow yourself to feel whatever emotions are in your body.
Are you sad? Be present to feel the sadness in every cell in your body and cry if you need to.
Are you angry? Be present to feeling the anger in your body. Acknowledge that it is there. Voice your anger in the shower, to the wind, at the beach, to a tree. Beat a cushion, beat the ground with a stick, draw, dance or run. Give your anger a way out of your body that is safe and not directed at a person or animal. Create a safe boundary for yourself so whatever injustice has occurred you re-create a new respectful boundary.
Are you agitated? Acknowledge the agitation. Do you need to move and expel the agitation through moving, dancing, crying, singing, getting organized, cooking, drawing whatever it is that you need to do.
Then what? Do you need to rest?
Honor your feelings and your body will thank-you for it.
Ignore them and they will persist.
Are you too afraid to cry, or be angry? Are you frightened you will be overwhelmed?
- Imagine you have multiple selves.
You may be a worker, a mother, a friend, a daughter, a son, a gym junkie, a foodie, a volunteer. In all of these different roles we often feel differently and act differently. Imagine that you can be with your feelings safely and in a moment the loving, responsible, nurturing adult part of you can be present ready to say, “Thank-you for being present to my emotions.” “Ok now we have dinner to cook”, or “Now you need to rest.”
So if one part of you needs to cry, can you let that sad part know that the part of you that is caring, loving and a nurturer is there to comfort you and be with you whilst you are feeling your emotions. The responsible loving, adult sense of who you are can ease you back to the next thing you have to do in life.
See if you can experience this now:
- Get a sense of who you are and how you feel reading this article.
- Now scan your body for a different feeling:
- Is there a place in your body that feels excited because it is Xmas and you are going to meet up with some-one you have not seen for a long time, or anything that makes you feel excited and even childlike?
- Is there a place in your body that feels sad, lonely, confused or something else?
- Now scan yourself for a part of you that is responsible, caring, loving and is present to help you and others.
Those experiences are all of you. 3 different feelings and 3 different experiences of who you are. You can invite the part of you that is a loving caring adult to be present when you acknowledge your pent up emotions and give yourself permission to cry, to rage safely or to get organized.
If you feel the need for someone to be with you ask a trusted friend, see a counselor or book in for a Mentoring/coaching session depending on the extent of the emotions that need to be expressed.
Have you ever heard of the expression,
“After enlightenment the laundry.” (I think this is Jack Kornfield’s quote)
After crying, or being angry or whatever emotion is in your body that needs to be honored, be present to the new energy state that emerges.
From that new place ask your loving adult self:
What do I need to do, think or say to have what I need right now to ease my …………… and create the …………..(companionship, connection, peace) that I need right now?
Now see what emerges as the best action to take next to create the peace, harmony, connection you want.
Sometimes you do not even need to take an action as your whole body has released emotional energy and comes back to a sense of ease.
- Feel the ease that is present now.
Then do whatever it is you next need to do! Contact a friend, get food, shower, rest, draw, garden or catch a bus!
Learning to be with all our emotions helps us access our own intuitive body wisdom. Listen and feel within to discern what you need to do to nurture yourself moment by moment throughout your life.
Love to you.